What My Mom Should Have Taught and Told me?
Written by Mrs. Money
I am not a perfect girl because my mom is not a perfect mom, I wish my mom could have taught and told me during the course of my growing up that could perhaps ease my growing pains and make my life lives on easier.
Those “30 year-old orphans” would think that I am a lucky person, (but I am actually a mean girl for my old mom) because towards half of my life destiny I still can fuss on her. One of my friends called me to complain how pompous her mom is getting nowadays, and she told me how her younger sister was telling her that nurseries are booming everywhere in Malaysia yet not the old folks home!
There is a common mental health problem surfaced, closest kindred who take care of old folks are getting depressed and frustrated as old folks like to argue stubbornly of their old wisdoms which conflicted with young minds’ new ideas. Old folks are neither humorous nor flexible which contrasted with those dough-like kids waited to be kneaded, kids’ learning responses and feedbacks give joys to people who take care of them. If ones ever witness an old couple arguing amongst themselves during breakfast though their submissive children would kept quiet yet the rest of the day they would get depressed and unhappy, their insensitive old folks perhaps would never aware of that.
So is it lucky to have old folks at home or ones rather have kids at home or keep both of them at home? I think it’s another interesting issue to discuss in later days.
This is an article written for all ladies with moms or no mom, I hope that you can learn something valuable for yourself or you can drop us your most valuable learning from your moms (in comments); different moms imparted teaching to their daughters differently, as long as the teachings and morals are tactical and feasible, I think as we are still young and malleable enough to change.
My mom is the most insensitive robust mom that I have known from beginning to now, in old days her minds only cycled with reading bible, giving showers for her cash cow pigs instead of her 2 years old baby and as long as they were foods (mostly vegetables) on tables for all three meals. However, my mom was an extremely hard working and patient lady, she grew up in a male dominated family, as the youngest of all, she never learned how to cook well but she could study well by tapping and running along the rubber trees.
As a farm girl she lived a very harsh life, when the different abandoned rubber gardens now worth many millions, she would by then being considered as an outcast by her paternal family. This situation not just happened to her only, but also to many Chinese girls who worked like hell before getting married and after married to another family, she worked like hell again and still being considered as an outcast by her husband’s family (I recall once Mr. Money told me, “My family really appreciate so much of what you have done to our family.”) and some could only take a rest in coffins. (So I don’t understand why my mom and sisters wanted me to get married to get rid of me when their life were not as easy?!)
My mom was forbidden to continue her university level education while her classmates who got the chance to pursue are now titled. I remember she was hissing angrily once a well pampered pretty Puan Seri couldn’t recognize a harsh life, dark and ugly old her in a swimming competition. So my mom insisted all her daughters to go to college, that’s why after we got exposed, cultivated and educated more than she could, hmm….. it‘s the time her grown-up kitties starting to make complain that she is a great mom but not a perfect mom!
Anyhow, I am not a perfect girl because my mom is not a perfect mom, I wish I could have a mom who could teach and tell me some of her family heirloom of wisdoms that could perhaps save some of my unnecessary tears.
The following will be my teaching and nagging I will feed on my daughter once she grows old enough to understand. Remember it’s always too late to nag once your daughters have reached their puberty age!
Dating
What my mom didn’t teach, hint and tell me – How to look for a rich established husband?!!!!
Make sure you are as equally rich and established to par up with your husband if not then someone in your immediate family is as equally rich as your hubby or his family. Marry-down sometimes for a lady is a mental torture when she faces her new less educated, cultivated and poorer family, normally she has to suffer more. There was a lady who married down, when she slept in her in law house she was bitten by a big bed mite but both her mother-in-law and husband said it was mosquito instead, so she showed him the mite she killed yet they told her because she was a stranger that’s why the mite bite her! However, if she married up into a reasonably well off family, where material wise she doesn’t need to suffer, leaving alone is if she is willing to learn how to “climb” as long it is not too high or there is not many barriers.
I once eardrop how a very educated business tycoon laughing at his son’s girlfriend, because she was not coming from as equally powerful background, he said that even his son’s best friends didn’t like her, then he switched his subject to introduce one after another who were his son friends’ girlfriends, you could hear those noted Japanese, Hong Kong or Taiwanese entrepreneurs’ names mentioned. My daughter was just born during that month, after what I heard I swear I won’t let my daughter married into a super rich family if I remained a mediocre.
What my mom and my religion taught me before – Don’t date a gangster and must be a virgin before getting married. Simple theory here: A good one trade in another as equally good one!!!
I have heard of such slogan often: “Say no to sex” and “Don’t get pregnant, use a condom!”
Alert – Oh Mom! How Do I know and differentiate a properly dress-up man I date will be a gangster, a con man, a proper man or a wolf?
Fate of Life: How about those women who got divorced due to getting married bad husbands or those young girls who got raped by strangers, so after that they all can’t find a proper man to get married anymore?
Problem Arose: That’s why there are so many mistresses or even prostitutes with inferior complex around town, because once they got date-raped or raped, their conservative oriented consulted psychiatrists, mothers’ and religious teaching would make them think that no man wants an imperfect girl anymore, so they rather to be succumbed to be “thieves in skirts” and “ladies of the night”?
Stories and Ones’ Choice to Live: There was a very good man worked in country B, he got a wife and two sons stayed in City M. Due to a business operation he met his rich playboy cousins (a very famous datuk’s son) once he mixed with them very soon he also wanted to par up with them. He then met a very innocent girl who planed to pursue law study, she thought she has found a caring, thoughtful and mature dream man, one day the wolf’s colleague in City KK confronted her why she stole somebody’s hubby, at the same time his wife was also informed, due to the shock both the mistress and wife developed a very foul temper. Last I heard of them was they still stay together but moved on to stay in City K to have a new start, but his long married wife remains in City M.
Remarks: She couldn’t get out probably due to inferior complex or simply don’t want to be a loser (I met her before and I don’t think she is a bad girl, but she has gone through a rude shock that could change her moral standings to revenge indirectly on her “wolf” boyfriend, especially when there is a first wife to compete)
There was a lady who grew up with a very religious mom, then she went to Town B met a dream gentleman; he showered her with gifts, loves and funs in discos and pubs. Then she got pregnant and wanted to marry him, but her mom opposed and never attended the Church wedding (very sarcastic, these days this particular denomination won’t even allow any non-virgin to get married in their churches) but the couple eventually won the old holy mom’s heart by acting as her Church women’s leader and fervent church goers on Sunday, but from Mon to Sat the old mom never learns that her son-in-law is actually a triad gangster!
Remarks: They tango together so well and I heard they will be grandparents soon, but whosever bitten by them before would curse and hate this scorpion-like couples forever. Our moms taught us not to do bad things to people to get bad in returns, but so far I could see they still live on so well, going to Philippine fro money laundering often, and newly married daughter-in-law actually feels so proud of her new father-in-law’s wealth, prestige and social positions in M city. I could only see now from these bullies’ kids, they are not good in studies but they are as good like their parents to camouflage themselves, if they never graduated, they would blow a big picture of graduate gown posted and hanged those weasel-claim photos on in the entrance of office.
Tips: I would advise those “very innocent young girls”, don’t date those “experienced men” (this problem usually happened to young girls who like older men) Again the question returns to how you know the man is experienced (in sex) or not? Few advices here, he is charming and sweet like your old respected dad, daddy’s buddies or older brother, but the minute you go out with him, he will reveal his “hairy” hands, if the minute he shows a hair , girl, you must run and run as fast as possible to get out provided you don’t get drunk or drugged!)
Gratitude
I met so many young ladies who didn’t grow up with much gratitude oriented on their minds, as it like everyone in the world owes them something. I wonder if they were ever taught by their moms of such word called gratitude?
Worst are those kids who grew up in the family with parents who didn’t accept Chinese's 5000 years essence of wisdoms (or particular race’s own cultivation) nor proper western moral teaching, education and cultivation (They felt damn proud due to they can write and speak good English! Worst still they also got thick face to laugh at others who don’t command good English like them).
I used to help a lady, who failed her particular exam in C city under the sponsorship of her YB datuk uncle. I heard later she used her uncle’s money to pay the over spent credit cards in long distance phone bills to call her boyfriends who was once working in City J, so she actually hardly got money left to go to class, only on the last few months before exam she tried to look for a teacher to teach her. So when she failed her exam, her dad heard of me in a newspaper, he got her back to city M to look up for me, I offered to train her thus gave her a job and eventually she earned few diplomas. Yet, in my suspicions why her dad never sounded so friendly to me of all those years I gave free lessons to her daughter and in actual fact trained her daughter for free.
I always wonder if she still asked for the money from her parents or her uncle to pay me (but indirectly that went on to settle her outstanding credit card) though I accepted nothing from her or else it's no point her parents and uncle were acting so unfriendly and so ingratitude towards me of what I tried to enhance their daughter or niece's better future.
Where in the world, someone could give an inexperienced person free lessons and a decent job, at the same trained her to path a brighter tomorrow? So worst still with my full trust given on her when I went overseas for maternity leave, she teamed up with another colleague set up her own business, to promote herself fully in my expenses and with my resources, they could earn money on the first month on their business operation, that’s my 10 years hard work, they could take away my resources without feeling guilty.
In an actual fact this kind of act in business industry these days is never considered as “day time thief” or “day time robbery”, she could prepare herself since years ago ready to take action on my most helpless days (the Chinese heroine, when the enemy wanted to attack her, it always happened during the time she delivered her baby) before I knew it, these young girls took whatever resources they wanted from me and after they left they still could bark the faults on me, I couldn’t rush back on time to rescue the crisis. I eventually learned how heartless and ingratitude young ladies could be without good mothers to guide them but actually to support them to act ingratitudely.
I remember such lady would never made as a single noise or complaint when she was under my wings for 7 over years, so called still water run deep. Could be I was so blind, so few incidents that I indirectly offensed certain women could be back-stabbed by her out of my awareness, as the gossips all were passed to me by her, I actually never made any bad remark about those women (they were my clients why I had to bad mouthing to jeorpadize myself right?), only these days I could recount those episodes to give me a chill in hearts of how calculating and cunning this lady could be, no wonder these days her uncle has become a very famous politician!
She could give me a 21 days notice of resignation and all a sudden she could find all sort of faults on me. She even threw me a bomb said that if I was not happy of such 21days notice, she still could return and work the rest of the 9 days for me. (That’s left her more rooms to take all what I had?). So when someone asked her mom where her daughter earned her diploma from, she replied and could lie that her daughter got her diplomas from KL. So like mother like daughter, both were ingratitude, I am wordless until these days!
I remember, many years back she was walking in to see me without much confident, during the interview she told me her aunty is a nun and her brother is a brother. It makes me think is it such particular religion teaches ones to commit sins but that could be forgiven by confession, as the practise and the believes were practised frequently since they were young, so the situation is like if we got injured, we just used the bandage, few days later it would recover. I don’t respect that kind of Christians who take the advantage of their religion to show their ingratitude to people, so they believe strongly God will favour and forgive them especially I am not a fervent Church goer.
My conclusion here is: If a mom didn’t teach her daughter well, don’t expect her religion could teach her daughter well as well!
Cleanliness
Did your mom ever teach you the different between the basins to wash dishes and brush teeth? So don’t mix the two basins for both uses, spit in the basin in the toilet and don’t spit on the basin in kitchen!
To be continued
