Unveiled Jobless Money Tai Tai's Life: Mr. Money's Home on the Range

I Cursed Whenever Returned Home Under the Rain!

Written by Mrs. Money

Just like nobody can get a perfect husband or wife, thus nobody can get a perfect home, you either have to bear and get used to whatever you don’t like or you have to make things changed to the ways you like…. And all these take times, money and tolerations.

Before I first moved in this little old “cabin shell” that Mr. Money bought, there was nobody supervised the cleaning and painting jobs, thus ants’ carcasses and dust on the belian windows and floor got covered by the new darker paints and finish, I always wonder by 2020 if our Malaysian workers would become professional enough that they don’t need to be supervised but produce quality job to worth the high price they charged.

I “fired” myself from my 30 years work, it’s not because I was not good in my job but merely I was unhappy there is no such “ISO” or “MSO” to protect my professional qualification and right, thus anyone dishonest, young and inexperienced, who even didn’t graduate their form five nor speak good English dared to challenge my status and fool the general public by using their weasel skills, eloquent speeches and good PR connections and relationships with churches. With no degree or diploma earned yet they are daring enough to lie as a degree or diploma holder or as a member of certain international professional association, and their made-up qualifications even appeared on their business cards or official websites. Suddenly I felt sick, it's pointless to fight with those "infested parasites, foxes and wolves", I got tired and eventually I lost respect to my neither ISO nor MSO protected profession, I rather live a simple life than witnessed those daring liars hissing at me maliciously.

For fifteen years I tried to like the oil town but I never felt being accepted by the people there, whatever I did someone whom I thought were my friends would always give me a stab at my back still with their disguised smiling faces on! The mutual trust between the locals never established with an out of town single lady; enough is enough, I decided even to find a husband out of town, so Mr. Money always is so proud that he claimed if without him I wouldn’t be able to get out of the hell!

Hell? I wonder now if I have jump to another hell, the cabin was just a shell, Mr. Money said I just requested him for a house not furniture! I was angry that I have married an unsounding Mr. Money, not until just two months ago my sister’s American mother-in-law gave me a golden advice: “The fun part of decorating a house is by gradually adding one thing at a time.”

She is quite right; imagine if I got all the money to get an interior designer to do all the complete job, my excitement of moving into a new house could probably sustain for only a few months instead of for a few years.

Mr. Money’s mentality is still very much influenced by British imperial superiority, he asked me to get a maid to be slaved under me. I replied him if both his first and the last names are Mr. Money Money, then I would prefer a butler and many maids.

For me if I am jobless, I would unkindly try to reduce jobs opportunities for other people! So with my stuck-up American influenced minds, thus I have to suffer unnecessary; On first month upon moving in the little cabin, I got to dust it up for 5 times a day besides cleaning up kids’ every innovative mess, e.g. they would draw a particular pattern surrounded the whole master-bedroom wall whilst I was in other rooms mopping the floor and whilst I used the zip to clean the wall, they would cut out newspaper pictures and glued them all over the floor in another room and such plays would continue until they went to bed.

Despite everyday my legs got "massaged" by walking on “coarse ants and dust laminated” surface of the Malaysian iron wood belian floor, a month later I got very sick, luckily I didn’t have such superstitious friends around me to tell me that my house could be haunted that was why I got so sick.

I never experienced any goose pimples until I brought in a teak wardrobe from an oil town, the furniture owner didn’t do any cleaning as promised for it, it reached me with cracking lines here and there besides that I hated its foul smell and in the dark I would feel my hair rose. Since I spent a sum to buy it, instead of trying to eliminate it I made up my mind to clean and finish it to darker colour. Then I ordered the ghost,

“Hey, I paid for it, now I am the boss! I have to hang in all my belonging in there in all dimensions, get out!”

The wardrobe though was new but I think it was too expensive and left in the furniture shop for too long, and its looks as long as a cascade, I have a good idea, in the future if I got sick of it, I can sell it to a coffin maker to renovate it into a nice teak coffin, don’t you think it’s better than leave it out there in the garden burning with weeds to plant maize?

It took me sometimes to get rid first of my allergic then the “wardrobe ghost”. After painting the wardrobe I also turned into a professional finish painter, the secret of good finishing is: First, polish the furniture surface with the coarse sandpapers then followed by the finer sandpapers, make sure apply a very thin layer of finish on the surface, keep brushing to wait for it to get dried up (make sure to stir finish in the can from bottom up before applying it to any furniture).

So can you imagine a 7 years vacant house without any maintenance? Mr. Money called in his team of friends and relatives helping to restore things to order, but the plumber informed me that I would have to change my whole toilet as he wouldn’t be able to get parts, he simply bluffed me that particular American brand was no longer existing in Kuching and the electrician would ask me to change a whole new water heater after his inspection, he said due to such American brand water heater was no longer working. I looked at each one of them both with great doubts but I still replied nicely,

“Sorry I can’t afford to change a new one now, because Mr. Money's name is Mr. No Money, so just leave it for the time being!”

Six months later after I installed a new computer, I contacted a west Malaysian Johnson Suisse distributor asking if he has any dealer in Kuching, he replied me promptly. Once I contacted this Kuching Johnson Suisse dealer, he came within 30 minutes, obviously he knew his trade so well, immediately he called up his friend, within two days, my toilet and heater were both fixed. The new plumber was the original house owner’s friend, he told me, “This house was hardly stayed by my friend and he would use all the best materials to build this spare house of his. The toilet and heater are both American famous brands, there’s nothing wrong, I just changed the old rubber for the toilet and the heater hot water wire was put wrongly on the cold water thus there was no hot water!”

I think the plumber and Johnson Suisse Kuching agent are the best in this kind of trade in town, I rated them as 100% efficient. An enquiry email could save me at least RM2000, Mr. Money wondered amazingly at me how I could even find the original plumber for the house at the same time. A moral lesson behind this incident: “The best would attract another best, the best connections extended from there.”

Recently, I needed to install my spare washing machine, I called the Mr. Best Plumber for recommendation, within an hour his friend came over fixed everything quick, cheap and efficient, I was wordless and full of appreciation.

Why I called Mr. Money’s half a million ringgit home as a “cabin”? As the concept of the original owner I found out later that this “cabin” was merely his vacation home. After I browsed through hundred of houses in the architectural digest over internet, I found the house was planned within contexts as a weekend mountain escape, with European country, log home and Mediterranean cottage style.

Surprisingly nobody wanted to buy it though it was in the market for more than 7 years and it only got two bedrooms that really turned many potential buyers down. Also the house structure is a bit abnormal and the conservative Malaysian Chinese would prefer marble floor and aluminium windows instead of Belian wooden floor and windows. The whole house didn’t follow the norm of Chinese Feng Shui, the back door is the front door, and the front becomes the back as it doesn’t have an entrance or exit.

Perhaps ones can stay with a girlfriend or boyfriend before marrying her or him, but it isn’t a practice if you want to buy a house, and you ask to stay in it for a few months or years before buying it?

It is important to buy a house on higher ground as flooding occurs once a blue moon in most places in our country, so Mr. Money bought his little home on an old ranch of Kuching outskirt, now the excavated lower latitude is still levelled to a normal building first storey floor; my kids haven’t grow old enough to go counting the numbers of Mercedes pass by the highways down from our front yards cliff but after midnight zooming motorcyclists annoying sounds floated (During sleepless nights instead of counting sheep, I was worried if those motorcyclists could have enough time to apply brake after detect there is a traffic light 10 yards ahead, I was anticipating for the collision sounds and would be relieve when I didn’t hear such expected sound!) sometimes would awake the deep sleep kids suddenly with a panic cry whilst the zooming sound already diminished.

I wonder if this is my house feng shui problem or we didn’t aware we have bought a house next to a Kuching Midnight Motorcyclists' Racing Track!Anyhow during day time, despite of noisy traffic, surprisingly we don’t get bothered except whenever I returned home under the rain, its imperfectness revealed.

I have nothing much to complain about this little home in its tough structures and wonderful building materials. I can say it takes a weirdo to appreciate a weird house, but a weirdo sometimes can’t take illogical things in life: For an example, I always wondered if the architect of this house was a single, no much life experience, chauvinistic or simply got no-brain and he would build a carport leads to pathways exposed to equatorial heavy downpour before anyone could enter the house either through the back or front door.

So can you imagine if under the heavy rain or hot sun, with an umbrella I would have to carry my heavy sleepy four-year old girl from the car to go into the house or when I return from grocery I would have to walk a distance in order to reach the backdoor kitchen?

The carport for Chinese Feng Shui houses always lead to the living room, but for American designed dream houses, they are based on safety reason. I would think the most practical way to build a car pot is immediately leads to a kitchen door, imagine if I get old and absent minded like my old mom now, as before I leave the house, I can check on my stove if the gas is still burning. (Another precaution to all housewives, whenever any phone rings, don’t go answer it until you have turned off your stove or else you just choose to ignore the ring. Another suggestion is you fix a phone in kitchen or bring your codeless phone to your kitchen.

Only after a year stay, my mind eventually figured out a suited mosquitoes netting for the unusual louvered belian windows of this unusual house, I only spent less than RM300 for thirteen mosquitoes-netting curtains. To give one’s house windows proper mosquitoes netting is like to give proper socks to your daughter depending if she is wearing a school uniform or a chiffon dress.

So Mr. and Mrs. Money’s home is looking more like a home months after months, but the wall is also becoming more like the Niah Caves months after months.

Home, is where you grow up along accumulated with memories; so Mr. and Mrs. Money’s home actually means more for kids who grow up along in it and will accumulate with memories.