Last year, my old classmate’s wife and I went out perhaps once or twice in a month for breakfast, we also invited along some old friends and they would bring along their other friends as well. Usually when we met these strangers they would ask us a frequent question that bothered me a lot, “Since both of you are a housewife, you must be very free!
When these career women with at least two maids at home working for them at home, if they asked me this question I would give them a middle fingers under the breakfast table, as I worked since 15 years old, then I got married when I was quite old, I employed housekeeper, babysitters and cleaner but I never decided for any of those housewives that I met with such tongue-in-cheek remark that they must be very free as a housewife, I feel that would consider as invading a person's privacy.
Even Mr. Money won’t understand how busy his wife was and is, when he saw me cleaning the house he would told me, “Aye, don’t need to clean the house so clean like XXX (sister-in-law) ban Chin chea! (Compulsively clean person)”
“Now I know where the piglets’ dirty and messy genes inherited from!!!” I angrily retorted.
I hate Saturday morning because usually I have six pairs of white school shoes that I have to brush, wash and sun-dry. I have to soak in a bucket overnight on Friday night and used cream cleanser to brush those grey shoes. The brushing excercise would be better than going to sauna after turning those grey shoes to white! Worst was half way through when I washed the shoes somebody called, when I answered the phone, “What are you doing?”
“Washing shoes!”
“Aye, no need to clean so white lah!” Gilaka! From this kind of remark onward I would never care to go answer any telephone when I wash those dirty grey shoes.
I got up usually at 6am, my other friends would even wake up at 5am, I usually prepare breakfast and also refreshment and drink for the kids bringing to school, by 6:30am I usually had to carry the youngest one out of the bed to the dining table or scream my lung out to get them up of bed. While I took shower and have a change, 20 minute later when I reemerged although not looking like a bride but at least presentable, I am a believer of “This world only has lazy girls but no ugly girls!” Occasionally I would see my daughter rolled up with her blanket slept next to a coach near the dining table, and none of the foods were being touched. My son only just finished his Milo! I would scream again, “Hurry up, it’s coming to 7!!!”
If five minutes before 7am they couldn’t finish their breakfast, they still have to take a quick shower, change and go. If they couldn’t reach the school on time at 7:10am, “I was not late but you are late, you walk in yourself today then!” That mean I wouldn’t carry their heavy school bags to their respective class rooms. They should thank that their mother is a very good driver, almost every morning I "fly" my car to school! I remember a morning when my door was opened suddenly while my meter was 80km/hr during a sharp 90 degree turn, luckily there was no car beside my car. "Childish nasty kids can really cost you a life if you are not strong and able!"
Immediately sending kids to school, I would pop in Stutong market occasionally; I would get out there less than 30 minutes so that I could get a free parking. Upon reaching home, I have to wash the dirty clothes and dirty dishes (I hate Sunday when I have to go to Church that could make my day even busier which Mr. Money never understands). Within this hour I have to quickly read my newspaper and finish my breakfast before hanging out clothes under the sun, when the sun was not cooperative with a housewife, she would have a busy day running in and out of the house frequently.
If a housewife couldn’t prepare a delicious meal, none of her kids would entertain her, the immediate protest would be there were those untouched foods remained on the dining table, even if you give them lectures after lectures of how many kids don’t even have foods to eat.
“Sometimes I spent my sweat and time to cook the meal yet these kids didn’t even touch what I cooked, they even told me off how yucky the foods were!” So ended this career woman friend of mine would eat out every meal, as she doesn’t have a maid at home, luckily she has a helpful husband.
Hardworking poor housewives without a maid and a helpful husband, they regularly have to cook three meals, wash dishes, fold dried clothes, iron clothes, dusting the furniture, mop the floor over the whole house in and out, do gardening, occasionally they have to take off, clean, sun-dry, put back curtains, bed sheets, pillow cases and blankets etc. Weekends they have to wash kids dirty and stained school shoes and uniforms and sending kids go to tuition and learning hobbies would be another headache, so poor housewives all are looking dark, yet the heartless husbands could tell them, “You are getting more and more fat, dark and ugly!” while they hardly helped to fetch the kids and share the household duties, these men think that they have done nothing wrong to coax and cheat an ex-professional woman to work for them in half price or 70% discount!
By the time 9pm, a housewife usually would be so tired, “Mum, can you read us bed time story?”
“No, I am so tired.”
“You are a bad mum; other children’s mums would tell them the stories!”
“Shut up! I am juggling as an UNISEX parent to you, at least you could help me something; when I cooked not suited your taste buds, at least you pretending the foods were nice! If 8th EE during your age, she could cook for the whole family of 12!! You can’t even cook the rice at 7, shut up and go to sleep!”
I know I am a bad mum when I was tired and exhausted, I lost all my EQ. And I never expected my husband to tell me, “THANK YOU!” Only once he told me, “My family and I thank you for what you had done and helped!” My Chinaman and Chinawoman-parents wanted to get rid of me so they could feel their parenting duties were over, so I simply married a man to please them, then my husband never recognized me as a part of his family, they think that I am just an outsider. This is the dilemma happens all the time in a conservative Chinese family, only parents and husbands who have drink enough “western water” they would give human rights to their children, siblings, in-laws and wives.
Many young girls dreamed to get married, married to a rich man, the best is someone like Prince William to give them prestige, wealth and power; but really how many percentage of girls were really get married happily? Many women deeply rooted with moral, principals and religious teaching would mostly suffer and tolerate silently over their decades of unhappy and "walking corpse" marriage, but put forth nice brave faces to outsiders. Frequently their Chinaman-husbands would even threatened and abused these women if they didn’t begat enough sons, secretly they have another family set up outside so that their roots wouldn’t be terminated!
Many women married very late but they still regretted deeply that they got married perhaps to a wrong man; they thought being a housewife could give and foster their kids with the best education and best cares, but money is the key role to make a family runs smoothly. When a precedent promise was broken by a rogue tongue husband, we ladies would be the one who always suffered, you sold your business, you quit your job, you were coaxed to get married, these mean all your fame and your financial income were CUT from the moment you gave up. For Chinamen they feel easier to control a moneyless wife, they would secretly cut all your resources and interest to make you feel self-pity, one day you woke up you found out you are already too fat, too dark, too poor, too useless and too angry to face the rogue tongue liar who destroys your better future.
Worst news for the old ladies is if they got fooled and married to a rogue tongue liar Chinaman kind of husband (there is high % of inferior men (than able women) married late in their lives due to their disable to make decision, their income is not sufficient to find a decent wife and to form a decent family, they have unattractive outlook either too short or with bad habits and bad manners and bad characters, not disciplines and irresponsible), they would take all advantage of a poor wife as it she owes her last life to him! In this conservative scene of Kuching, most Chinamen husband still would blame their wives for educating unsuccessful grown up children, but they would never blame themselves that they are not a smart man to give smart genes to their offspring, they never gave enough money for their wives to raise the family and they never blame themselves of not putting any foot involving in educating and teaching their kids. They hardly would spend time with kids but rather sat and chat and drink coffee in a kopitiam with their friends yet when they got old they expect their kids don’t send them to old folks home!!!!
Being a housewife usually is the least appreciated job in this whole world, she is hardly being respected, recognized and appreciated by even her own spouse and children, needlessly mentioned any other outsiders. Other senseless women with rich husbands would look down at them; other men would even lazy to give a nobody’s wife a glance.
My conclusion is: Lazy housewives with maids or without a maid will be so free and their mouths also are very free but hardworking housewives will be always very busy, usually they don’t hire a maid unless they are physically weak and sick.
