WHEN THE BETTER ONE COMES ALONG
... and you tango along, whose faults?

Written by Mrs. Money

PART 1

Many years ago, there was a group of “unwanted poor old ugly bachelor dogs” that worried their old folks and siblings of how to look for their future DIL and SIL (daughters-in-law and sisters-in-law).

Eventually they all got married either by match-making by their respective parents or siblings, usually under this kind of arrangement these men were not getting their perfect matches but very sarcastically they would also find those “as equally unwanted women” who were willing to get married, bear kids and form a family together with them.

When a man couldn’t find his perfect soul partner, to avoid having his emotional being too involved and invested in an imperfect wife, to find the best solution and escape thus his works would become his "passionate girlfriend." Making many babies (must produce many boys descendent only as these men usually are China men!) were merely to please his parents and siblings, he would seldom pay genuine attention and love to his wife, by then his purpose of dragging on the marriage relationship was because of those good looking perfect children with his imperfect wife. He would never give extra expenses to his out-of-date wife to buy new dress and go beauty saloon, his wife usually works in a boring, limited income and very stressful job like teaching, doing account or working as a clerk in a China man office in-charged ranging from cleaning toilet to booking air-ticket to her boss wife’s sisters and friends.

The poor lady reached home never got the chance to see her hubby but merely naughty screaming kids messing up the whole house, and by the time their greatest mom in the world enter the door, they would request the tired mom from buying kites to bicycles, she usually would ignore them but went ahead preparing her dinner, after an hour later, she found out her kids were not interested to eat her prepared foods, instead they would request and nag on and on to eat pizza. By the time when kids almost finished their dinner under “threats” and “sweet talks”, finally her hubby returned home. The minute he sat on the dinning table, he just simply made a simple remark that could finally erupt a very active volcano. She growled, “I work, you work, but I still have to work when I reach home …..”

He would all the time silently withdraw but thinking in retaliation to his imperfect wife, “I work, you work? Depend on your little yearly salary? …. Which is a peanut less than even my monthly salary but I feed the family!” After dinner he would find an excuse to get out of the noisiest house in the whole world, because he thought that when he was young, his mom never dared to rebuke even his irresponsible dad. He would usually find pubs a haven to cool down hot weather, hot arguments and his “boiling point” temper, he would drink until his wife slept then he crept home at 2 in the morning half drunk.

Somehow first itchy seventh year had passed smoothly under his silent disgruntled but followed by his increasing quietness and withdrawal, his grumbled wife got more angry and felt more ignored, she felt she had already voiced out her disagreements and disappointment of had to responsible parenting alone, yet with her he simply was not interested to get involved.

It all began when the ugly old married men got loaded of $ notes finally but also he had metamorphosized without his wife’s awareness into a confident mature man, to show that he was loaded, he began driving a posh car, playing golf, drinking generously with friends in pubs. Soon on second itchy seventh year, several times in different pubs he encountered a same acquaintance, finally they sat together this time to chat merely as friends, after a dozen of beers, each one of them lashed out their personal problems and reached an understanding and compromising.

When the better one comes along or “a perfect” partner comes along, the man would treasure the relationship, he won’t care if she was married, divorced or having her own kids with her first marriage. Wherever he went he would bring her along his side, she became his soul mate.

Under this situation, his friends’ first wife club members all questioned silently if his behavior was “politically correct”, probably he was hiding this “better one who comes along” for a while already before they both finally confidently “floated” on the water.

Let’s discuss:

What kind of “better one comes along” kind-hearted woman would dare to (no matter if you are a spinster, divorced or divorced with kids) involve in a married man to cause him further on separated with his “imperfect” wife and endangered the marriage?

Should the man divorced his “imperfect” wife before thinking of even taking a glance of those better ones come along his routes? Taking a mistress or a better one along would spoil his good man image, no matter how he explained to his friends how fierce, how unreasonable or how thoughtless was his wife treating him. Usually only the man’s old friends would accept his explanations believing that his first wife is really a “witch” but for the first wife club members who gone through up and down with the grown up naughty children would not agree that with a man who simply not involving much for parenting his kids during their grown up years. Simple theory: Or else he wouldn’t have time to go out drinking or rather hidden in office to work late. Nasty kids turned their mom to a fierce woman not vice versa and an unhelpful husband turned his wife into a bitch not vice versa. Indonesian maids wouldn’t help parenting, a wife would rather her busy and tired millionaire husband time to time helping her to change a nappy for the baby, when the baby kicking while daddy changing nappy, the baby laughed to daddy and daddy had to catch its legs, that is called parenting, 10 Indonesian maids wouldn’t be able to fulfill this kind of parenting job! Many men simply grew up too insensitive of what is called parenting but they thought money could buy everything!

Around a decade ago, I was still not married, there were few married women angrily told me this story: This is one of the most famous man in Sarawak, he would organize a 40th birthday party for his “better one comes along” in an oil town golf club by ONLY inviting MALES, they probably both thought that males wouldn’t gossip, but they were very wrong, because some guests they invited were good family men, they returned home told their uninvited angry wives, the wives in revenge actually blew their trumpets louder!

PART TWO

There was a case happened in a Northern Borneo, a decade ago my friend’s boyfriend went to study in a university. Soon during his birthday, a girl from a gas town who studied with him knew that he already got a girlfriend but she still dared to approach him telling him during his birthday, “I love you!”

My friend got very angry, due to she was very young, she simply dumped him to grant the bitchy girl’s wish.

What kind of man would allow “other girl” to express to him vocally that “she loves him” right in front of his girlfriend?

What kind of girl would be so daring to tell the man she fancied right in front of his girlfriend told him, “I love you!”

However, once the bitchy girl stole my friend’s boyfriend, she would never leave my friend in peace, even the bitchy girl’s sister who worked for me (actually I think she was spying for her sister thus she worked for me) also never left my friend alone, I remember such incidents:

The bitchy girl sister would take a photo of her sister’s boyfriend ex-girlfriend during a wedding to show her sister, soon during a Chinese new year the bitchy girl would wear exactly the same dress, my friend got annoyed so she went to perm her hair, who knew that the bitchy girl also went to perm her hair!

I was simply in awe of the acts of the two equally bitchy sisters, once my friend came to visit me, the bitchy girl’s sister was the only one who worked in the office during lunch time, no matter how many times my friend rang the door bell, no one would came open the door for her, at the end my friend called me to come upstairs opening the office door for her.

Then one day the bitchy girl’s sister dared enough to tell me this, “Your friend is still interested in my sister’s boyfriend!” She didn’t know that actually my friend got a new boyfriend since she broke off with her ex-beau, but I wouldn’t reveal that to her as I wanted to see how ugly girls could turn into when they got jealous and agressive!

I told her flat off that there was no such thing, as I could see that that’s another way round, I could see that the young man was still interested in his talented ex-girlfriend. I waited for her to tell me the same thing for the second time but it never happened, or else I would really tell her off this way, “If a girl dares enough to steal other’s boyfriend, she should be confident enough to keep him instead of kept bothering and giving troubles to his ex-girlfriend!”

A few years later, finally the bitchy got married with her dreamed man, my friend finally found herself another new boy friend who is much more mature man, I think he is a perfect match for her, yet my friend’s ex-boyfriends’ ex-girlfriends all got “excited” and turned into busy bodies, they “kindly” probed into background of my friend’s new boyfriend through the church he attended and they sent someone to tell my friend that the man is not good enough for her!

My last warning to my friend during my last met with her was: Please keep an eye over your boyfriend, let no other bitchy mean girl steals him anymore!”

Where got a mature authorized man who would allow another lady approaching him flirting and tangoing with him when she knew already he got a girlfriend or a wife? If the man would entertain the approaching aggressive girl, he is not a worthy man to keep for the rest of a woman’s life. Set him free then may be a better one would come along her way too, so my friend did a correct way but only regret is she couldn’t get rid of those haunting bitches, I suggested only her new boyfriend’s menacing growls could hush those haunting barks!




NOTE:

It is important for a couple to keep some common reliable good friends who could help them during any crisis.

The surfaced problems regularly complained by one of the couple should be noted instead of being ignored, or else once the better one comes along could steal either one; it takes a very high moral standing to keep a faithful but problematic relationship.

If a couple’s relationship doesn’t work it is better to divorce first before thinking of finding “a better one comes along!” A fragile relationship of a couple is easily broken and intensified by "a better one comes along!"

Many men would think that because of their kids are still young thus they didn’t want to divorce their imperfect wives, in short these men are terribly selfish, they used their wives to take care of the children until they grow older, they ignored their imperfect wives’ emotional well being, but selfishly they invest their emotional well being in another “perfect soul partners”, enjoying their life by bringing the "mistresses" all over the world but left their respective poor wives in the coconut shell taking care of naughty kids. These men thought of the best solution waiting for their kids to grow older before asking for divorce, these men only thought for their kids but not their wives (their wives are their prime enemies!) by the time their wives would be old and ugly, they would never find their new partners in this conservative society, I only foresee a lonely life for the poor divorced women thoroughly used by their heartless hubbies to take care of the offspring only …. I see a picture of some selfish tom cats who only knew “how to propagate” but let alone the parenting job to the mother cats but I admired those necking swans on a stream that got more wisdoms than some human beings!