Married  A Badly Indebted Chinaman Husband Unknowingly!

You would be ended up in deep shits too!

Written by Miss Yellow

Advice for unmarried girls

1. Not ashamed of yourself to find out your future husband’s financial situation, no bank wants to loan its money or issuing a credit card to a badly indebted man. (He would find all sorts of excuses e.g. explaining to you why he didn’t owe a credit card, most of the time he blamed for his own kindness due to extending his help to his “bad friends” who didn’t pay their loans to the bank, thus as a guarantor, he got black listed! This is enough to proof that he is a stupid person! And you are either too stupid or naive if you believed his explanation!)

2. If you are from a better background, don’t get fooled by a trap set up by him, his family members or even his friends, check the credential of a family’s background, when you got married, you also automatically married into his family. To upgrade and change their living standard, conflicts between religion and feudal practices and believes would be really tough!

3. Family background in education, interest, cultivation and religion must be equally standing

4. Most Chinese families abide the laws that would hide everything unpleasant from outsiders; they only said good things about their own family, 家丑不可外杨. Those good things they bragged you should only count for 10% accuracy!

5. If you are from a better family background, including the match-makers would pester the man to sleep with you in order to make you rush into a wedding!

6. Don’t be too sure of your most respected person’s advice, e.g. your dad, he could be a very well known and respected educator, but unbelievably a very naive person regarding how to find a good husband for his daughter, for some fathers, as long as a man got a penis then he is considered as a good man!!

7. Older generation simple minded and lacked exposure naive parents never taught their daughters how to look for a husband, they felt that once they were both poor, thus they wished that their daughters not to get married into a rich family, they worried their daughters would be bullied by rich people, but they never thought the other opposite way could happen too, if their daughters got married to a very poor, less uncultivated and educated family, she could be an item under abused too!

There are two kinds of person that a GOOD MAN should never borrow money from, loan shark or your own sibling, because someone eventually would show to the bad man’s wife asking directly or hinting indirectly that she also owes the responsible to return her naughty husband’s bad debts even it was debts incurred before the marriage!

   Stereo type Chinese family has a common problem, when an aging sibling in a family was not married, the family member would pressure him to get married, even he was full of bad debts, the family member would be the culprits to fool the future sister-in-law to fall into the marriage trap, they all thought that after married, the unmarried naughty brother would get settled down, he would become a more responsible man due to his wife's "good" influence.

   But when the situation was not success, when old dog doesn't learn new tricks, they would blame his naive wife; soon the creditor-brother’s wife would show up the door-steps of the debtor’s wife pressuring or pursuing after her!

Now imagine this, how about the poor wife learned the husband owes so much bad debt to his siblings only after married him for 10 years? It was happened only after selling off her business like 80% cheap sales and 10 months later only a more humane aging eldest creditor-sibling began to reveal her of what had happened of her husband's bad debts?

   Whose fault was that? What did her husband, her husband's siblings and sisters-in-law and mother-in-law did to actually a prominent professional from a city but ended up ruining her hard earned prominent career to beome a jobless tai tai in another strange city just because of her wrong marriage into a wrong family? Who were selfish, self-centered and thoughtless?

   Why? A woman could experience heart wrenching ache and depression, when this kind of money affair conflicts between her husband and his family members inflicted her , they  dragged her in ..... usually would happen just right before or right on Chinese new year, because it is the time most kinds of money transactions involved, it was the time people need most money to spend for Chinese New Year, and it was the time debtors should return if not whole sum, but at least a portion of debts to their creditors.

When she began to question her husband, he would tell her the same answer all the time, “This is my siblings matter, don’t you dare to involve in it!”

'But then I was forced to get involved?'

'I told you not to tell anyone of my family that we would be going away during Chinese New Year!'

'Yes, I tried to avoid it when your sister-in-law SMS me, but for god sake …. Past 4 years, she never visited me but she showed up our doorsteps with gifts, I thought she was sincere!'

'I told you not to tell anyone of my family that we would be going away …..'

'Now I know why! You owe them so much debt that they want you to return them money not to use their money to enjoy yourself got it?!'

'I told you that are my family matter, you shouldn’t get involved.'

'What’s the intention of your sister-in-law then? I thought that I could trust her when she showed up my doorsteps, so I revealed to her where we would be heading during Chinese New Year, I even told her that she shouldn’t reveal to anyone… it was just between she and me!!!'

'I told you not to tell anyone in my family right? What you did could cause our brothers to have another big fight again' When you and your brothers were ffighting? Shit, you blamed me that I would instigate fights amongst your siblings again?

‘You shouldn’t owe money to your siblings for too long without returning them any dime, you are a bit too much…… they would blame me, they thought you spend money on me when I went for travelling but those money actually were mine and my family’!!! How did I know that I can’t trust your sister-in-law? I thought as a doctor’s wife, she should be a very trustable person like my sister! She thought that you can’t be trusted, as I am your wife, I am also as unreliable as you???!!!! That’s why we are still together! Dammm… you know how hard, how patient, how tolerated I have to maintain this marriage?!’ The frustrated angry wife began to scream. She decided she would never trust her trouble making sister-in-law again, how could her sister-in-law didn’t trust her when she told her they would be heading to G city, and why she deliberately “reconfirmed” with her husband again during a pre Chinese New Year eve family dinner? Her sister-in-law didn’t care if she got scored by her hubby! Her sister-in-law didn’t care the trouble couple would involve a big fight. Creditors are always right! Why God let me unknowingly became a debtor’s wife???!!! God is really unfair to me after I got married!

‘How can you trust a X Msian girl? I told you not to reveal them any of our travelling!’

‘So that include my own and kids’ travelling out of my parents’ pockets, siblings’ pockets or from my own hard savings? Don’t tell me again that’s your problem between you and your siblings ….. or your own family matter, their actions hinted me enough that I have to pay for your bad debts, or else I have to suffer like you too right?! Even go out of Sarawak but we have to creep like a thief?! Shouldn’t let your family members know it!? You were spending on their expense, not me, your sibling and family members actually owe me an apology of why they kept quiet that you were on bad debts before I married you? In short, who was the stupid girl would marry a badly indebted man?’

‘Aye, I am doing business, which businessman on earth don’t owe money to their family members or to the bank? If you keep blowing your trumpet to your friends, how can I do my business anymore? Everyone will know that I am poor, they won’t dare to do business with me!’ Oh yeah… that’s what my Chinawomen mom and sibling advice too, they all like him……. I always like Lee Guan Yew’s words with intellectual excitement, he said China though has so many people yet technology wise still can’t beat USA, due to their differ in thinking, what thinking? Now I know …. Chinamen and "Chinawomen" kind of thinking "lah"!!!! They all treat their husbands, as heaven or demi-god, if a girl didn’t marry to a good man, she becomes a subject to get abused…. My sister-in-law who probably thought that she marries well due to she was smart, and she must think that I was stupid that why I married to a badly indebted man,I better watch out someone has just began to jump over my side of bridge to bully me! But think twice, I am no dub……………even If you are X-Msian I am cosmopolitan! I am just not interested in childish hens’ fight! If I could avoid you next time, I will forever do it!

‘Your sister-in-law is too daring, I am just your wife, she has a rich husband to limp on the minute she married him, But I don’t! But that don’t mean that I am responsible to pay your own bad debts incurred before I married you, I can’t influence your stubborn thought, but neither can you influence my self-pride as once a self-sufficient happy professional career woman! Old dogs don't learn new tricks OK?! Please don't expect me to turn into a "Chinawoman" to pay your bad debts!’

‘I told you not to reveal it to them right?' Shit, you dare to argue with a husband, I won’t give you any Chinese new year ang now, let me see how fierce you can bitch on!

It was like roundtable clock, the argument still back to 12’ O Clock eventually! This kind of Chinaman born into as the youngest in a family were usually spoilt badly by their mom and elderly brothers and sisters, I dub them as siaw bai di “小白弟” who are always keen to take advantage of their elderly family members, If you unknowingly married to one of this kind, their family members soon expected his wife to responsible for his debts too … he thus becomes a siaw bai rien 小白脸(gigolo)!