TURNING INTO A TORTOISE
Medley of Chinese New Year
Written by Mrs. Money
Recent months I got really sick and quite annoyed ..... all caused by men from ages of 7+ to 80+, until an old aunty asked my west Malaysian friend why there is no more new article being released since November, only then I realized at least I have a reader who is standing on my same boat even a few decades earlier before I jumped into it!
If Shakespeare said to men that marriage is the graveyard, I would tell to all those unfortunate ladies (those ladies without any good marriage fate) that meeting an insensitive stupid selfish man and getting married to him is actually a jail sentence for their brighter future! For good educated and well exposed ladies without appropriately marrying to a good man or having a good marriage fate, their life would turn haywire the minute they said, “I do!” (In a manner those lucky ladies won’t be able to imagine how other bad luck ladies live badly in different degrees!)
First of all, an old friend asked me to look for a new wife for him after his wife died less than 50 days; he specified to me that she should be someone around my age.
My age? ….. All my spinster-friends of my age are either certified accountants, lawyers or medical specialists. If he is a very famous film star, rich politician, king of rubber or pepper I still seriously doubt if my friends of my similar humble background would still be interested on a doomed age old man!
A man couldn’t stand without a woman even before two months she died, I lamented for that dead aunty, a secret I whispered to myself, “he didn’t love his deceased wife to his guts, and her memory lasted only for a month plus or he just couldn’t stand loneliness?!” So what’s the meaning of marriage? Love, just companionship, or companionship and love?
I become more abnormal when I see an old rich and famous man’s young foreign wife (three times younger than him) neck hanged with many big rubies, emeralds and diamonds, “Shit!!!! What kind of fate do I have? BAD, BAD, BAD, what is the use of receiving higher education in a conservative society? I married for almost 10 years, up to now; I have never yet received from Mr. Money any needle-size diamond nor ruby, nor emerald, neither there was any LV or Gucci bag, our marriage was known to Chinese in China as “Nuke Marriage”, gifts that I received from Mr. Money were merely a China-made RM200 Nokia HP that scared the shits out of me when one day it got exploded!!!!” I seriously doubt that should I pursue palm reading, bomoh seeking, crystal reading or feng shui investigating of my ancestors’ graveyards instead of holding my hands praying for 5 times a day, I am in serious dilemma that if I have prayed to a wrong god!
*********
I am v v very sick, depressed, frustrated and desperate and in an extend that I not yet talking to the wall alone by myself but I begin to hate those sir name with Money and Ngien. I wonder why most Chinese ladies turning into a “tortoise” during the Chinese New Year when they have to visit and stay with their “mothers-in-law” for just that few days, I am kind of turning into a “tortoise” the minute Mr. Money chose to return “home” instead of going “overseas.” I also learn that Chinamen’s mothers are called “Monsters-in-law,” “the tortoise” will be a subject that Chinamen and monsters-in-law taking for granted, misused and abused.
“Enough is enough, I cooked for my monster-in-law for almost a decade, after preparing the reunion dinner, when I tiredly sat down to enjoy my meal, my cooked foods were criticized, she dared to say there were not nice! This year she gains new daughters-in-law, I return to my own mother’s home!” In another word, my good friend informed me happily that this year she got a way to “tortoise out” but her new sisters-in-law will be the “traded- in tortoises” to prepare for the monster-in-law’s CNY reunion dinner!
*********
Now, only “tortoises” will understand my agonies, angers and written work written at 5:00 am after being woke up by an array of coughs at 3:30am, after fed the kid with medicine she still vomited on the bed instead in the container given. Where is Mr. Money? As always he was no where to be found and could be reached, he is always out of town to work! Does he ever know I have been cleaning these smelly messes of his baby monsters at weird hours since eight years ago? For the 24 hours work in a house without security alarm, for three years, I was tidur ayam, dozing off like a chicken, worst still right before Chinese New Year around my neighborhood got so many midnight prowlers, so I switched on most lights but turned off the air-condition in order to listen the surrounding sounds better. Does Mr. Money aware that I am being under paid and appreciated as a full time baby-sitter, nurse, maid, security guard, gardener, tuition teacher, music teacher and driver? Does he know that I feel I am living my decaying and boring life even being rewarded worst than an Indonesian maid?
*********
I wonder if you have ever experienced like what I did: I have a “god-sister” (this is another story to tell when someone wanted to use you, they will call you “god sister” or “god mother”!) she is as “sticky” as a snake, when she wanted something she dared to call you ten times a day or came to give you a visit everyday until one day even when she brought a freshly baked cake to my office front entrance but I would escape through the back. Can you believe that I would rather give a “fake” puff and drink kopi at a nearby kopitiem to escape her tangling?
Yesterday, my sister SMS me “informed” me that my “god-sister” got divorced and her banker’s hubby remarried, and I wonder how could such a “sticky” girl got divorced and ended her hubby got remarried first instead she should be the winner in everything in life like she used to be, I pondered for sometimes then I “lamented” for her past, marriage for her is like digging a hole to bury her “inert abilities and talents,” she is like the rest of the poor women controlled by Chinamen in the world, her limited youths now coming to her doom days, with three kids slowing her pace thus she has limited freedom to kick her fists. I really think her sweet and sticky character would be much more happily married to a western Mat Salleh than a local Chinaman! Let the snake tangles with another snake, it usually works better; but when a snake tangles a cold trunk it won’t work for long!
*********
In Chinamen’s world, when a lady can’t have ability to “propagate” for a man, her “price” drops abruptly, worst still when a Chinaman wants to choose for an ideal lady for “propagate” he only wants a “pure” breed, if in a case that she is not a virgin he would still make sure that she shouldn’t have kids with other men before.
So when an old man married a young wife, when I saw the header and photos on the front page, “Wow ….. Old men’s long sight could detect Mount Everest faster!” After I sat down ordered the foods, I asked my nephew to collect the newspapers I spotted just now, but there were all gone. I looked around and I found out all those men were curiously trying to find the Mount Everest I mentioned! I would give them an advice, “Go internet, you can search almost all information you need!”
Twelve years ago, I asked a Malay friend that why quite a number of Sarawakien YBs only looked for Mat Salleh foreign wives, he told me because when those YBs studied in overseas those ladies treated them very kindly. Hmmm…………. So Sarawakien ladies are really mean and unkind lah huh!!!!!! Or we are just not initiative enough to men …. We expected men to come chasing after us ……. as we are country pumpkins?! So I complain to Mr. Money, Sarawakien girls must be mean, nasty, ugly and unattractive or else why even old rich men would even look for the foreigner wives. Mr. Money replied me, “You should say Sarawakien ladies got their eyes over their heads!”
“Hey, but he is not the Ah Dog Ah Cat lah but a rich big head lah! Obviously, he didn’t think any local lady suitable enough to fit him and in short he doesn’t like any Sarawakien local lady ……… Hey! I think only stupid Sarawakien local ladies would vote him during this time round election!” Mr. Money turned wordless immediately.
"Hey! I chased after a family friend who was another eligible Sarawakien bachelor but who only interested in foreigners, famous and rich men's daughters, How about him?" Mr. Money was wordless still!
*********
I wonder what for I have to get married and having kids and have to get up at 6:00am returning to school with kids all over again, my 20 years spent in schools and universities were not enough? Worst still every morning, I have to have a tug of war with kids to make them got up of bed at 6:30am, after then I have to worry if the 20++ years old borrowed car will start its engine, then finding a parking space to park my car and send my kids to class is another hassle. I always wonder why I was such a thin-ear old age spinster when those big mouths rogue tongues rich women worried I stole their rich hubbies, they would tell me nicely that an unmarried lady is not a perfect woman but at my back they would commit murder to my profession with their gossips. I ended trade in my bright future to subdue those gossip mongers! My good life forever changed, yet those bloody gossip mongers either migrated to Melbourne staying in a big mansion or got richer yet still wagging their long tongues!
If I was young like 26, I still could fight if I found the marriage life doesn't par up to my expectation, if I am coming to 46 years old though I still have the brain yet I will be prompted to physical injuries and sickness, for most married women of 45, their kids already attended secondary school or universities. All because a calculative man told a simple minded girl that he was established and financially sounded to form a family and she jumped into it, worst nightmare is when the lady found a smooth talker, a compulsive liar and insensitive bad memory men!
The Chinamen choose to act blind to those women who worked behind them in the house, unless those women flaunt in front of them everyday in the office, as work comes the first place to most men’s life, but not their marriage family life! If these men got sick or went overseas for business trip and happened that their wives were able to handle their husbands' business, they would really appreciate what their wives assisted, in this manner they would treasure their wives and they will larvish them with LV, Gucci or unlimited credit card. BUT in my case when my daughter urinated on the bed at 12:30am on the bed right before I wanted to sleep, ended I spent 30 minutes jumping on the pee soaked mattress to clean it up, then spent another hour to wash the bed sheets, but where is Mr. Money? Again he was out of reached! Even if I described to him through the HP on the next day of what had happened last midnight, he just simply couldn’t feel me description, though he just kept very quiet as always, I thought I could hear his heart “That’s your duty as a mother isn’t that? I give you the monthly allowance to do it!” I bet he soon would forget what I had told him and dozed off for his siesta sweet dream in another town. This was not the first time happened, kids urinated on the bed were happened periodically, if mothers tried to put plastic under the bed sheets and mattress protector, we worry the risk of suffocation happened to kids.
*********
Most poor independent women behave like female cats, when they got injured they growled, ran to hide immediately somewhere secluded out of reach from human beings to lick their wounds. I temporary quitted my writing activities since November 2010; the reason was I spent my seven years written a book but I got mocked even before I started it out, the devil deep inside me would sometimes swing me to inferior side. …… 10 years ago I came across a Foo Chow lady from Sitiawan, she meanly asked me, “Is your English that good?” Immediately she started to brag to me how great is her New York born 7 years old daughter’s English. A decade later someone very dearly close to me acting like this Sitiawan Foo Chow lady again, “Your English is simply not good enough, don’t waste your time, go find a job as a teacher again! You know I read these books called XXXX, AAAA, BBBB have you read it? You know XX (my son’s) English is the top in his class ……………….” Shit! These ladies both were not interested in what I am doing but they merely wanted to show off how good their kids’ English are! Yeah, in my guts I know their kids got faultless English grammar as they were all born and educated in overseas, top in their class in English language exam, but so far are all of them more creative, more life experience and exposure than me? So I was advised and mocked continously not to write in wasting my time and effort because my English is NOT GOOD.
I found American college first two years general education able to give their college students more intellectual excitement and exposure, otherwise generally I could only find those PhDs holders graduated from other countries as equally open minded, they are much more open minded to accept new ideas, weird concepts or otherwise they would quietly listen then making their own research before retaliating their own believes. I only realize not all Christians and Catholic read their bibles throughoutly with great understanding. When I looked for a doomed age editor to edit my written book, he rejected me because he told me flat off that besides my rotten grammar nobody would be interested in the genre that I have written, then a Catholic editor rejected me because she said she only believes in Jesus Christ not those aliens in another word, then when the editing work came to a 17 years old nephew, half way during reading, he came out of his study screaming, swelling and cursing, “This is the most stupid thing I ever read, I don’t believe in this bible …. Jesus Chris religious things …………. I am an atheist!”
“Ooups” No one wanted to help me all because one claimed it talks about ET that it has no commercial value, one claimed because Jesus is the only God she believes in, one claimed because there is no such Jesus Christ ever existed. Americans don’t mind talking and discussing ETs and UFOs but I have great doubts about other common wealth countries residents and students. About Genesis era, Jesus not born yet, it did mention about a Messiah to be born, but my book was telling stories of Genesis era not the New Testament era! I realize Christians like to escape Genesis when it came unexplained parts, e.g. “Who are those people out there other then Adam’s family members?” People who got brain naturally think of where really this Adam and his family lived? “What is that meaning of out there and where was this segregated location when Adam and Eve got kicked out after the Garden of Eden and yet they still got segregated from another species of mankind?” and “What was the tattoo that God put on Carn so he would be protected from harm when he got kicked out by God from his dwelling ground?”
*********
Once, I found out many local kindergarten teachers OVERUSED the word, “Autism” (they could be brain washed by visiting speakers from overseas within short session of master classes) and now many people over used the word, “Bipolar”. The swinging of mood from one extreme to another, the problem is when some people who swung and swung to the shopping mall for shopping spree, racing on running tracks, disco pubs for drinking binge, Genting and cockfighting for gambling spree or jump on bed with some men or China dolls, BUT nobody told them that they are bipolar! But those who didn’t have enough money to spend, naturally they would either nagging to their closest family members and friends or turn off their HP to hide in the house to lament their bad fates, but unfortunately this situation these poor folks would be doubted as “bipolar” by most mean population of insensitive and ignorant people. Everyone got hidden extreme mood, it seldom revealed when one’s life is smooth and felt love but it would frequently happened to one whose life is tough and felt unloved.
Few of my sibling called me “bipolar” just because my thinking and their thinking are different, my life experience and theirs are different. When I was pregnant with my first son, I didn’t know where I should stay, I would be like a swift who coughed out blood to build nest if I had to lay eggs! As for the kind of “nude marriage” I have no car, no house and no diamond ring which none of my sibling ever experienced, they are not sensitive enough instead they think that if I chose a poor husband I should subject to whatever kind of living he lives, so called married chickens live like chicken, married dogs live like dogs. So if I ever made a complaint to them they would decide I have mental problems …. Bipolar! And some of them would tell me, “Actually you are very lucky, you don’t need to work your husband will feed you, like us we have to work so hard!” I learn mean women are all tongue-in-cheek, when they stay in a mansion with a living room even bigger than then my whole house, they think they are deserved to live better life than me all because I am stupid and I deserved a stupid poor husband too. Usually those people who excelled in their studies have their superior complex symptoms, their inferiority shown only if one of their poor classmates who never excelled than them in studies but one of the later day made more money than them, they would get very defensive and aggravated when they met that particular richer classmate.
*********
A year ago, right before I sold off my business, my supplier sent a faulty instrument to my last customer, due to my technician and I were honest, I rejected the instrument by asking my supplier to replace a new instrument in such a way that I had to pay extra transport charges. While waiting I let the customer used the instrument until the new perfect instrument arrived. After a month, my business sold to a new owner, and the new instrument only arrived but the customer didn't want to pay me, everyday when I called she would tell me, “I will wait for my hubby returning from playing golf to sign the cheque.”
The next day she would give me the excuse, “My hubby just went to play golf, I have to wait until he returns.”
Another day later, she still gave me the excuse, “My hubby left town to play golf in Singapore, can you wait until he returns?”
After a week, I called her, she told me, “He left to play golf early in the morning, I have to wait for him to sign the cheque.”
This went on at least for two weeks, when finally she told me, “I can’t issue you the cheque to your personal name as you sold off your business already, I feel this is not right, how do I know if I buy from you or the new owner?”
I realize I have encountered the nastiest customer (I still remember her hubby's sirname as Chin, I was told they run a furniture store in the northern oil city) that I ever met in my 20 over years of trading experience and sarcastic enough she was my last customer! “The invoice I gave you was on September, I sold my business on October, you can pay me based on that old invoice, as the purchase agreement done was on September too.”
“No, I am not going to pay you.” I learned that she just wanted to act and reluctant to pay me quickly. So eventually I arranged her to pay through my Kuching supplier, and when I collected my little profit was towards the year end!
So since that onwards, I hate those friends told me, “Hey, my husband is playing golf now!” or “Hey, I will be playing golf from nine to twelve, can you look for me this afternoon instead?”
To tell people you play golf to show off you are high class or to hint people that you are rich?
Simply silly! How about this …………… “Hey, Mr. Money and my golf sets both got stolen by thieves since 7 years ago! “
