MY FIRST POLITICAL SCIENCE LESSON

It was lectured by my ever mean mommy!

Listened by: Little Coins

 

We often made a lot of noises just like little coins that really could  irritate our mom who would always burrow in her work for more than 4 hours without making a move or noise,  that was usually the time she left us both taken care by the our best babysitter in this world, the computer. 

  Mommy has forgotten that our school break would last for two weeks so she sent us again by excellent MAS children delivery service to our maternal grandparents, and we returned a week earlier, she felt that her work schedule has interrupted by us, and she would especially got irritated when she was absorbing in her work, we would answer the telephone subconsciously and she would get mad when the telephone was looking for her. She would nag, ‘Where those stupid backward people who think they are still living in 19th century to get that idea that as a housewife I would be so idle? If I wasn’t fool by your dad to quit my hard earned career, now I would have earned at least two times of what your dad could give me every month! But why all those narrow-minded “Chinawomen” think that the best things in my life did was to get married and have two of you annoying noisy idiots! Oh yeah, they could only earn RM1500/month before getting married BUT after married they could receive RM3000 or 5000/month from their husbands besides those nice gifts, oh yeah that's why those women would say life is so good being married and have precious little cute kids!..?" Then she threw us a challenged glance. Aye we all know mommy prefer cats more than kids!

    

   Obviously mommy didn’t like being interrupted half way during her work, especially when someone had asked her ridiculous kind of request, she would nag and nag until  her friend would be convinced that mommy has “depression”! But actually it was her "bio-rhythm" of  more than three decades working ethic was disturbed!

  Also under this kind of interrupted situation, mommy would start to raise her voice and nag at us too, ‘Hey dubs, I don’t want you grow up without any sensitivity, when your parents work so hard from 7am until 7pm, and you are already 15 or 21, but you expect your mom or other people to prepare your dinner when they return late and tire? ... While you basically spent your day just studying, flirting around with opposite sex, playing your hp and computer?!’ Mom said if one day we grow up like this kind of hopeless useless insensitive senseless kids, she better goes jumping down from Kuching city council tower too!

     

   Tell you a secret, I found out our grandpa is acting exactly like mommy, he got irritated too when we made noise, he would get disturbed as easily too, especially when he was concentrated in his reading but our daddy only got irritated by us when he sang karaoke or watched TV, but he was noisy too, we don't understand why he would get bothered by us?

 

When mommy was in good mood, she would "give" us lectures, she said that every professional was trained differently, some have to be fostered since very young age like athletics and classical musicians, she said they are the two known groups of people that since young they have to immerse in long hours (at least 5 to 16 hours daily according to age) daily routine intensive training and diligent practise alone in a small room for more than three or four decades, and when they mix with new friends or even relatives who are “play-oriented or privilege –oriented” who didn’t know the situation, they would think such person is weird, loner and antisocial. They never learn to respect those hard-working people and they would instead think those hard working people are idiots as life is short. Mommy said this people is like those ancient Egyptians aristocrats, as during their parties, the servants would take out a mocked coffin and mummy walked around to show their guests, “enjoy yourself or else soon you will end up like this!”

   

   Mommy said if “work-oriented” person who married a “play-oriented” husband or wife, for sure he or she wouldn’t be able to cope such “play-oriented” spouse. Mom said the person who trained since young to get immerse in a long hour training or practise session is like someone in Chinese Kung Fu who could immerse quickly in his/her concentration quickly, and he/she won’t comprehend why other “play-oriented” people are wasting too much time in “playing” or “sitting in the kopitiam chatting with a group of friends who are never better than him so that he  never would get inspired to know what is really called “hard working” and when they worked slightly harder they would let the whole world knows that “they are working very hard today” and expecting “rewards” for themselves  like going to massage parlor or having a big feast with a group of as equally “play-oriented” friends. 

   Mommy said to live in this world, it is our duty to work hard, and if we are able and have such unbeatable talents then we have to work hard to bring some contributions to mankind instead of just for self-benefits. She said she would feel guilty whenever she was left idle by doing nothing, so she would always find something to do.

Mommy got very mad at our studying ethic, she said we are very lazy due to the atmosphere and influence, she said if we are surrounded by too many “play-oriented” and privileged people. She said their working ethics are very different from those who have no social status, no luck, no help and no privilege. But for those privileged people, their parents, grandparents, uncles were either the famous generals or politicians, and they would have scholarships, study or job opportunities and all sort of privileges waiting for them,  unless they really are stupid and hopeless idiots.

     

   Mommy said a citizen without much privilege from a country, he or she is not so eager to return working in his/her third world homeland after his/her studies in a western country, only those people who are privileged would be eager to return home where high ranking government positions or very good prospect kind of job opportunity opening or waiting for them, and their wives would similarly allocate to work as one of the head sections in a university.  

   Mommy said that in some third world countries in Indo-China that she heard of, some Chinese students were always considered as aliens even though they were born and raise in such a country, they even scored the highest A-level result in the whole country but such third world countries policies would only let those under-privileged “alien” students studying in their liberal arts college trained to become a teacher, because as a overseas Chinese, especially in older days most of them are rated as third class citizens in third world Asian nations, now most third world nations would think twice of how to dispose Chinese when they realize China has becoming rich and strong, mommy said, “Not only got snobbish people existed in this world but also snobbish government!”

   Mommy told us we are considered as an “alien- citizen” living in such a country without any privileged background, thus we have to work harder than anyone surrounded us,  they won’t understand us, they are like kids born with silver spoon, but we are just kids born without any spoon. Mommy also said that amongst those privileged group, it also separated into many different groups too, the most privileged would be the politicians’ kids, then down to lowest ranking on its own so called priority race.  We actually still don’t understand what mommy was talking but we just learned from her that we are the third class citizen in the country that she and dad were born in, she said that we should thank her that we were not born in this country, so we still have better fate than most third class citizens like her and dad. 

    

Then mommy poured cold water on us again, she told us to “get real” as we are not a genius like our cousin R, so don’t expect in the future we could receive a scholarship to study in our national university, she said if we are in western country if we work hard at least we would be offered a scholarship or even like our EE who could even win Singapore government scholarship, we would be treated there as a second class citizen. She said if we are genius living in a western country with less racial discrimination, we will be treated as first class citizen sooner or get accepted by people faster than the current country that we reside in, but as a genius we still have to work harder than any geniuses in western country so that we could stand out.

   

 Mommy said she read an article about a Chinese-Australian brain surgeon working in USA but initially nobody in Australia would offer him any good position, thus he worked very hard to get famous in USA first before Australians medical institutions appreciate his achievements. She said such same theory like this hard working Chinese-Australian brain surgeon will apply to us exactly. (http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/australia-day-2012-address-full-speech-20120123-1qdh9.html)

   

   Mommy said most PhDs holders in USA are foreigners, thus foreigners would give another foreigners opportunities. Mommy said all American professors that she met were also having very big heart, they were always willing to help and impart knowledge to foreigners too, thus most foreign scholars would think that Americans are not as discriminated, mommy said just like Singapore government, the western countries are also as equally smart, they would keep the first class honor foreigners in their country by offering them PR, suddenly one day the PR application forms reaching such person mail box out of his surprise, that’s what our another smart cousin S experienced. 

   Mommy said only short vision stupid third world countries kicked off most talents by keeping a group of special privileged professionals  in their country, and nepotism is apparently the prevailing picture, so why the countries are not badly corrupted when ruling by this kind of leaders?

“POTATO- RELATIVES”

In a small town if someone became rich, soon he would become famous too, soon every out-of-towns potato-relatives would want to claim their relations with him!

Written by Money Tai Tai

I have a friend who grew up in a very small town, eventually she ends up in meow city. She told me whenever she met someone especially from the bigger cities in our state, they would ask her, ‘Do you know so and so in your hometown? He is my uncle!’

    When my friend asked them for more details, she found out all of them are actually not that “close” to each others, they are merely “potato-relatives”, usually ended like this, ‘He is my mom’s cousin!.... Oh due to my mom and him have same surname, thus they recognize each other as cousins!’

   My friend of course kept quiet whenever  she saw her out-of-town friends declared proudly as a “potato-relative” of such rich businessman from her small hometown, but deep in my friend’s heart she sighed, ‘Snobbish and ignorant idiots! He is my “potato-relative” too but I don’t even dare to tell anyone about it, lest that I embarrass myself.’ 

    

Such businessman became rich due to he did smuggling business at first before he got into decent business, he was neither too decent of his character, in the dark closet such small town people knew that he attained to rape his sister-in-law and he had mistress but all his follies were all covered up by his “Chinawoman” wife, when someone informed her what her husband did behind her, she would tell them, ‘Oh no, that’s not my husband, my husband is a very good man he wouldn’t do such bad things and he wouldn’t do that to me!’

    

   And like most stereo-type “Chinawoman-wives”, his wife of course produced some highly educated professionals and successful bussinessman-sons to make small town folks zipped up their itchy mouths to reveal the truths,  instead they would keep quiet but admired his success without being caught red-handed by any authority. Diplomatically they would tell everyone, ‘He is a rare talent!’ thus whenever people from out-of-town heard such remark, indeed they would feel so proud that they are his children’s friends or as his “potato-relatives”!

    

   Any successful “Chinaman” must have a very forgiving and very “big heat” “Chinawoman” wife behind him, of course she admired him like a demigod, or else she wouldn’t tolerate and spoil such a pervert-husband. The “Chinawoman-wife” usually was the one who would boost and assure her husband’s confident, esteem and pride, so her husband would really think that he already had achieved his social status in the small town with his financial success, occasionally when a politician came to the small town for a social function, he would suddenly pop in the function hall sat next to the politician without approval from the organizer, actually that was the seat belonged to the organizing chairman and when there was a photo session, he would sit right next to the politician again, and actually that was the seat belonged to the organizing chairman too, this happened frequently that it became a very embarrassing joke amongst small town insighters!

So after you hear this story from me, when you want to inform your friends proudly of a rich man’s connection with you from her hometown, please think twice! Because you are an outsider and you are just a "potato-relative", you could truly embarrass yourself unknowingly to yourself even up the day to your coffin, because your friend would never tell you the truth of your “rich and famous small town potato-uncle” is actually “not that marvelous” in her and other insighters’ eyes …..  yet you felt “so proud” of him!

HOW TO PICKLE FOO CHOW'S ANG CHOW CHOW CHAI 福州紅糟菜

(Foo Chow's Ang Chow Pickled Sour Vegetables )

Written by Money Tai Tai

 I learned how to make Foo Chow 's Ang Chow Chow Chai since primary school, eventually I had to take over the job when I got older, often in old days I would silently protest when dad asked me to do it alone all the times instead of asking any of the rest of my 7 sisters, but now I realize it whatever thing you learned since young days eventually one day you would become a "master"!!! For an example, when I was merely studying in primary school, dad would give me a puff whenever someone hanged him a cigarette in kopitiam.

   Two decades later it became my weapon, when I joined in civil defense, I would puff like "a cool smoker too" deliberately with those "compulsive smokers" in order to provoke a nasty "friend" (I treated her as my very good friend, but eventually I found out she would use me and consider me as her secret enemy instead!) and I was watching shows all along to witness how a jealous woman could bring along "sexual harassment" and many other problems to her  "secret enemy" when she couldn't control her bad mouthing!

I realized that dad has aged since the day I ate his Ang Chow pickles with sand, but none of his 8 daughters would dare to make a single noise, we would look into each other eyes smiling silently, next time make sure we wash those pickles ourselves before cooking instead of letting old mom to do it! 

   We treasure his vitality at this old 80+ age who would plant vegetables, harvest and pickle his ang chow chow chai. "Yummy!" That's what we would tell him.

 You can use bitter taste green vegetables like mustard or another mustard family Asian radish (daikon) leaves. 

Wash and clean the vegetables, cut into half, hanged them under the sun for a day.

You can use the sea salt to knead the vegetables first before kneading the vegetables with ang chow

Another secret I teach you here: 

Add in a spoonful of cooked rice, knead the whole thing again, OK this is not taught by my dad!

Preferable to store in a glass container, leave it in the refrigerator for three months before you want to use it to cook ang chow chai  fung ngang!